Where Everybody Knows Your Name...
Indeed it does. Which is why I love bars. I realize the more jaded of my readers (both of you) will claim that this statement makes me sound like an alcoholic. Fair enough.
But anyone who really knows me is aware of the six pack taking up space in my meat drawer, or the bottle of scotch that gathers dust on our china cabinet. Sure, I like to have a few drinks and blow off some steam, but ultimately, the beer only tastes good when it's chased with a good time. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that a bar really has little to do with drinking, and everything to do with people.
"Takin' a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot..."
Though she can't drink much these days (due to a slight case of preggo-fabulousness), in New York, Wifey and I met at a little pub known as The Carriage House.
It was perfect.
Irish women...American beer...amen. I quickly became like furniture in this joint, and to this day, a bar napkin caricature of yours truly proudly resides above the CH phone. In fact, my first foray into blogging came from the vaunted, ahead of its time Carriage House Newsletter, which can be accessed by clicking here (bring your Kleenex)...Yeah, it was an amazing part of my life, and though I'm now many miles away from 59th Street, I still get a good jonesin' each Friday for "just one more" Carriage House happy hour.
When Wifey and I ventured to the great white north, we made the mistake of trying to replicate the CH experience. Biiiiiiigggggggg mistake. We hunted night in and night out, trying to find "that vibe" (a barmaid with a brogue and a snug little caboose wouldn't hurt, either). But for all the nights out, and subsequent disappointments, we came up empty. Like Highlander, there can be only one Carriage House.
St. Patrick's Day is a time for college kids to revel, and for Irish people to make fun of Americans trying to be Irish. But there are very few options for people who are post-college, pre-responsibility, pro-booze, anti-boozer. You know, people like us.
When we reached the revolving door on that corner facing the always colorful Providence bus terminal, Wifey and I were desperate. This was a restaurant bar, in a hotel -- an automatic two strike call for any serious bar-goer. Still, we didn't want to call it a night, and we also didn't want to surround ourselves with the trust funders blowing cash on lime Jello shots. So, with only our thirst outweighing our trepidation, we ventured in.
And we found a great effing bar.
Menus and questionable tie clips aside, there is little evidence that the McCormick & Schmick's pub area is even remotely connected with the catch of the day. First off, the long mahogany bar stands proudly against a subtle, but classy patterned tile floor. Big screens and good music carried the entertainment, and some seriously hot little numbers carried drinks back and forth.
Yes, Wifey knows I just wrote that.
More importantly, the people didn't appear like transient hotel guests hanging out in the lounge of the local Ramada -- but more like the people we left behind at our beloved Carriage House. *sniff*... I gauged all this before even finding a seat.
I won't bore you with a play-by-play of the first night, but suffice it to say, there was enough of a good time to warrant a return trip -- each and every day for the next two weeks. A new spot was discovered and new bartending friends were made.
Since that night, we are in at least once a week, visiting our friends Joe, John, Justin, Mark, Fred, Summer, Brian, Jeff, Breanne, Katie, Irina, and the rest. Let's meet some of them, shall we?
Due to legal restrictions, we are not permitted to show actual photos. The following celebrities have agreed to stand in for our favorite bar staff:
Joe
Joe was the very first guy we met at McCormick's, and despite some rapid turnover on the part of some colleagues, has been there to satiate our liquid needs ever since. Joe is a tall guy (a big boy, if you will) who plans on entering a career in criminal justice in the not-so-distant future. Until then, however, he's a lock to entertain you behind the bar, especially when a customer pisses him off.
Fun Facts About Joe: He can make a martini blindfolded, and will whip your ass at Guitar Hero.
Note: Vince Vaughn originally agreed to play Joe, but the writer's strike forced us to use the guy on the left instead.
John
The child prodigy of McCormick & Schmick's, and a hell of nice guy to boot, John was one of the many managers we saw nightly. Considerably younger than his colleagues, he still ran a very large restaurant/bar with ease, and seemed to have a nice rapport with the female staff...at least those who didn't carry mace. Sadly, John decided that he needed to conquer a new frontier, and has since taken his wares to Cleveland. We expect him back once he realizes that Cleveland isn't nearly as happening as the booming metropolis of Providence.
Fun Facts About John: He really had to leave the area to avoid prosecution for reckless driving and loud neckties.
The role of John is played by Archie Comics superstar, Dilton Doiley. If you don't know who this is, you must have had a more interesting childhood than I did.
Justin
Bartender Justin is a recent graduate of his twenties, and is living proof that you can't judge a book by its hair color. Writer, singer, cook, sommelier...he packs a lot of interests into his four foot frame. And though he reads poetry, and recently got blond highlights, a quick glance at one of his websites shows that one of those interests is women.
Fun Facts About Justin: He's a published writer and editor for a local magazine, and has successfully parlayed this position into hooking up with interviewees. Talk about getting a scoop...
Mark
Mark is another of the McCormick's managerial army. From the moment we walked in, he has been a friend to Wifey and me. A dedicated supervisor, and husband/father to arguably the cutest family ever to walk this planet, Mark is definitely an asset to the bar, and a friend to all. Especially since he introduced us to our new hometown.
(Stop "awwww"-ing, would ya? He'd beat me senseless if I made fun of him.)
Fun Facts About Mark: The Discovery Channel will be filming a wildlife special from the floor of his Civic.
Bryan
Okay, I bet you're all thinking I'm being racist because Bryan is Asian. But, in reality, Noriyuki "Pat" Morita is a perfect match because of the sage wisdom he doles out to patrons, regarding beer, football, gambling, beer and football. I feel like I achieve complete Zen while he chops fruit for cocktails; and I always walk out more informed and better prepared for the world outside the bar. So, naysayers, this is the real reason I chose Mr. Miyagi to play our good friend Bryan...
...and also because he's Asian.
Fun Facts About Brian: He successfully graduated from Manager John's driving school.
Fred
The last of the three managers we know enough to include here, and also the hardest to cast with a known celebrity. Everyone here at Professor, Inc. struggled to find the one person who could best convey Fred. In the end, we decided that Fred's demeanor (and haircut) could only be captured by the jet-flyin', limo-ridin', Nayyyyyy-chaaaa Boy, himself, wrestling legend Ric Flair.
WOOO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O! (I can't explain it...it just works.)
Fun Facts About Fred: He's knows everyone. Really.
Moving on...
Here at Diaries, we have a policy about making jokes about people we don't know. Okay, we don't. But the truth is, I would feel awkward poking fun at the following McCormick's fixtures, because I simply don't know them as well as the others listed above, and would hate to wear someone's beverage because I don't show any discretion. Therefore, I will simply show you the pretty pictures and let your imaginations run wild.
Summer
Jeff
Breanne
Katie
Irina
And, my friends, these are the people that now monopolize my weekends (and random Tuesdays). Yes, I poked a lot of fun, and fully expect to hear some complaints when I run into them later on this week, but this was done solely out of friendship and respect. They're a very good bunch, and always help to make me forget that my new hangout is a restaurant bar in a hotel. The "two strike" rule simply doesn't apply here.
And though no one will ever, EVER replace my friends from the Carriage House, it is nice to still have somewhere to go, where everyone knows my name.
It was perfect.
Irish women...American beer...amen. I quickly became like furniture in this joint, and to this day, a bar napkin caricature of yours truly proudly resides above the CH phone. In fact, my first foray into blogging came from the vaunted, ahead of its time Carriage House Newsletter, which can be accessed by clicking here (bring your Kleenex)...Yeah, it was an amazing part of my life, and though I'm now many miles away from 59th Street, I still get a good jonesin' each Friday for "just one more" Carriage House happy hour.
When Wifey and I ventured to the great white north, we made the mistake of trying to replicate the CH experience. Biiiiiiigggggggg mistake. We hunted night in and night out, trying to find "that vibe" (a barmaid with a brogue and a snug little caboose wouldn't hurt, either). But for all the nights out, and subsequent disappointments, we came up empty. Like Highlander, there can be only one Carriage House.
"Wouldn't you like to get away?..."
Yes, we wanted to. But we couldn't find the spot to do so. After months of quiet Providence living, we realized that we couldn't get by just trying to recreate the magic; we had to create our own magic anew. And what better time to do this than St. Patrick's Day? So, with a head full of steam, Wifey and I ventured into the dark March night, in search of truth, happiness, beer and redemption.
...all of which are interrelated, I might add.
Our journey was like my liver - far and wide. And hope waned with each successive speed bump we hit.
Bar #1 was a college-y joint, with requisite amounts of thong exposure, green beer, and the distinctive aroma of aged urine. The men in this place never got the memo stating that 28 is too old to be sporting paisley fraternity letters. The women in there had more stretch marks than a Louisiana maternity ward. The staff was apparently hired to make the customers seem better by comparison. Next.
Bar #2 was a supposed Irish pub which prominently featured German beer, Polish sausage and, based on what they were charging for a pint, a Swiss bank account. In NY, six bucks for a brew was my limit. In Providence, a six bone beer had better come with a good looking prostitute...or at least a t-shirt. Neither option was available, nor was my favorite beverage. The quest continued.
Bar #3 was a brewpub, where the bartender took ample time to explain the brewing process and the quality of the hops, as well as make food pairing suggestions for my lager. They didn't seem to appreciate my inquiry of, "But will it f--k me up?" Right after Wifey finished her Russian Imperial Amber Lager Loogie Lifter/Salmon Mousse Croquette combo, we once again searched for a legitimate bar, and found one just down the block.
Jackpot.
"Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...and they're always glad you came..."
Enter McCormick & Schmick's.
Now, now. I know exactly what you're thinking. You're saying, "Why, mah good Professaaah, I do declay-arr, you gots a baaaad case of the vapahs!"
And, if you're not Colonel Sanders, you're saying, "Hey, asshat, McCormick's isn't a bar -- it's a fish joint."
Right you are, my duplicitous and critical friends. But hear me out.
...all of which are interrelated, I might add.
Our journey was like my liver - far and wide. And hope waned with each successive speed bump we hit.
Bar #1 was a college-y joint, with requisite amounts of thong exposure, green beer, and the distinctive aroma of aged urine. The men in this place never got the memo stating that 28 is too old to be sporting paisley fraternity letters. The women in there had more stretch marks than a Louisiana maternity ward. The staff was apparently hired to make the customers seem better by comparison. Next.
Bar #2 was a supposed Irish pub which prominently featured German beer, Polish sausage and, based on what they were charging for a pint, a Swiss bank account. In NY, six bucks for a brew was my limit. In Providence, a six bone beer had better come with a good looking prostitute...or at least a t-shirt. Neither option was available, nor was my favorite beverage. The quest continued.
Bar #3 was a brewpub, where the bartender took ample time to explain the brewing process and the quality of the hops, as well as make food pairing suggestions for my lager. They didn't seem to appreciate my inquiry of, "But will it f--k me up?" Right after Wifey finished her Russian Imperial Amber Lager Loogie Lifter/Salmon Mousse Croquette combo, we once again searched for a legitimate bar, and found one just down the block.
Jackpot.
"Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...and they're always glad you came..."
Enter McCormick & Schmick's.
Now, now. I know exactly what you're thinking. You're saying, "Why, mah good Professaaah, I do declay-arr, you gots a baaaad case of the vapahs!"
And, if you're not Colonel Sanders, you're saying, "Hey, asshat, McCormick's isn't a bar -- it's a fish joint."
Right you are, my duplicitous and critical friends. But hear me out.
St. Patrick's Day is a time for college kids to revel, and for Irish people to make fun of Americans trying to be Irish. But there are very few options for people who are post-college, pre-responsibility, pro-booze, anti-boozer. You know, people like us.
When we reached the revolving door on that corner facing the always colorful Providence bus terminal, Wifey and I were desperate. This was a restaurant bar, in a hotel -- an automatic two strike call for any serious bar-goer. Still, we didn't want to call it a night, and we also didn't want to surround ourselves with the trust funders blowing cash on lime Jello shots. So, with only our thirst outweighing our trepidation, we ventured in.
And we found a great effing bar.
Menus and questionable tie clips aside, there is little evidence that the McCormick & Schmick's pub area is even remotely connected with the catch of the day. First off, the long mahogany bar stands proudly against a subtle, but classy patterned tile floor. Big screens and good music carried the entertainment, and some seriously hot little numbers carried drinks back and forth.
Yes, Wifey knows I just wrote that.
More importantly, the people didn't appear like transient hotel guests hanging out in the lounge of the local Ramada -- but more like the people we left behind at our beloved Carriage House. *sniff*... I gauged all this before even finding a seat.
I won't bore you with a play-by-play of the first night, but suffice it to say, there was enough of a good time to warrant a return trip -- each and every day for the next two weeks. A new spot was discovered and new bartending friends were made.
Since that night, we are in at least once a week, visiting our friends Joe, John, Justin, Mark, Fred, Summer, Brian, Jeff, Breanne, Katie, Irina, and the rest. Let's meet some of them, shall we?
Due to legal restrictions, we are not permitted to show actual photos. The following celebrities have agreed to stand in for our favorite bar staff:
Joe
Joe was the very first guy we met at McCormick's, and despite some rapid turnover on the part of some colleagues, has been there to satiate our liquid needs ever since. Joe is a tall guy (a big boy, if you will) who plans on entering a career in criminal justice in the not-so-distant future. Until then, however, he's a lock to entertain you behind the bar, especially when a customer pisses him off.Fun Facts About Joe: He can make a martini blindfolded, and will whip your ass at Guitar Hero.
Note: Vince Vaughn originally agreed to play Joe, but the writer's strike forced us to use the guy on the left instead.
John
The child prodigy of McCormick & Schmick's, and a hell of nice guy to boot, John was one of the many managers we saw nightly. Considerably younger than his colleagues, he still ran a very large restaurant/bar with ease, and seemed to have a nice rapport with the female staff...at least those who didn't carry mace. Sadly, John decided that he needed to conquer a new frontier, and has since taken his wares to Cleveland. We expect him back once he realizes that Cleveland isn't nearly as happening as the booming metropolis of Providence.Fun Facts About John: He really had to leave the area to avoid prosecution for reckless driving and loud neckties.
The role of John is played by Archie Comics superstar, Dilton Doiley. If you don't know who this is, you must have had a more interesting childhood than I did.
Justin
Bartender Justin is a recent graduate of his twenties, and is living proof that you can't judge a book by its hair color. Writer, singer, cook, sommelier...he packs a lot of interests into his four foot frame. And though he reads poetry, and recently got blond highlights, a quick glance at one of his websites shows that one of those interests is women.Fun Facts About Justin: He's a published writer and editor for a local magazine, and has successfully parlayed this position into hooking up with interviewees. Talk about getting a scoop...
Mark
Mark is another of the McCormick's managerial army. From the moment we walked in, he has been a friend to Wifey and me. A dedicated supervisor, and husband/father to arguably the cutest family ever to walk this planet, Mark is definitely an asset to the bar, and a friend to all. Especially since he introduced us to our new hometown.(Stop "awwww"-ing, would ya? He'd beat me senseless if I made fun of him.)
Fun Facts About Mark: The Discovery Channel will be filming a wildlife special from the floor of his Civic.
Bryan
Okay, I bet you're all thinking I'm being racist because Bryan is Asian. But, in reality, Noriyuki "Pat" Morita is a perfect match because of the sage wisdom he doles out to patrons, regarding beer, football, gambling, beer and football. I feel like I achieve complete Zen while he chops fruit for cocktails; and I always walk out more informed and better prepared for the world outside the bar. So, naysayers, this is the real reason I chose Mr. Miyagi to play our good friend Bryan......and also because he's Asian.
Fun Facts About Brian: He successfully graduated from Manager John's driving school.
Fred
The last of the three managers we know enough to include here, and also the hardest to cast with a known celebrity. Everyone here at Professor, Inc. struggled to find the one person who could best convey Fred. In the end, we decided that Fred's demeanor (and haircut) could only be captured by the jet-flyin', limo-ridin', Nayyyyyy-chaaaa Boy, himself, wrestling legend Ric Flair.WOOO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O! (I can't explain it...it just works.)
Fun Facts About Fred: He's knows everyone. Really.
Moving on...
Here at Diaries, we have a policy about making jokes about people we don't know. Okay, we don't. But the truth is, I would feel awkward poking fun at the following McCormick's fixtures, because I simply don't know them as well as the others listed above, and would hate to wear someone's beverage because I don't show any discretion. Therefore, I will simply show you the pretty pictures and let your imaginations run wild.
Summer
Jeff
Breanne
Katie
Irina
And, my friends, these are the people that now monopolize my weekends (and random Tuesdays). Yes, I poked a lot of fun, and fully expect to hear some complaints when I run into them later on this week, but this was done solely out of friendship and respect. They're a very good bunch, and always help to make me forget that my new hangout is a restaurant bar in a hotel. The "two strike" rule simply doesn't apply here.
And though no one will ever, EVER replace my friends from the Carriage House, it is nice to still have somewhere to go, where everyone knows my name.
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4 comments:
Brad,
It was all the greatness that I expected from you and more. Thanks again for the kind words, I plan on printing it and sharinf with loved ones.
Cya Soon!
Joe
*shucks*
Sounds like fun, but you do know that it will probably end when your newborn responsability arrives, don't you? After all, I don't think they'll let you into a bar with a baby...then again if the baby promises not to drink any alcoholic beverages, they might. ;)
I do...I do...
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