Diaries of the Professor

The Rhode Island Driver's Test

For those of you who don't know, I live in Rhode Island. I spout off about my true home of New York every chance I get, but for the time being, I rest my head in a little fishing town called Bristol.

And it's nice...

Except for when my fellow Rhodies decide to get behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. This morning, while trying to think of an excuse why I took another three weeks off of blogging, I ran into a situation at a four-way stop sign.

While they all stayed and stared one another down, I just made my right and went to work. Since I wasn't there, I'll never quite know for certain what transpired with those other three cautious souls. But I can assume it bordered on moronic.

The following is my updated RI road test section, regarding four-way stops.

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Case I - One Car

You are the only one at the intersection. This is the simplest case. First you stop [complete stop (in or out of the crosswalk), rolling stop, 25 mph stop, etc.], then you have only five options:

1. Go.
2. Hesitate, then go.
3. Wait for 3 more cars to come along.
4. Wait for 2 more cars.
5. Wait for 1 more car.

A true Driver (with a capital "D", master of four-way stops) would choose option #3. After all, they do call this a "four-way stop." Most drivers modify option #3 by adding a time limit, like 30 seconds: "Wait for 3 cars or 30 seconds, whichever comes first." This 30-second wait has degenerated into option #2, "Hesitate, then go."

Case II - 2 cars

There are a few permutations here:

1. You got there first (see below, "Complication #3, who got there first?") In this situation, just go, unless you are a disgustingly polite driver (Complication #1).

2. He or she is on your right and you're turning right. Go.

3. He or she is on your right and you're not turning right. Wait.

4. He or she is straight ahead; and he or she is going straight or turning right; and you're going straight or turning right. Go.

5. He or she is straight ahead and he or she is turning left or you're turning left. Wait.

6. He or she is on your left and he or she is turning right. Go.

7. He or she is on your left and he or she is not turning right. Wait.

Case III - 3 cars

If it's your turn, go. If not, try to imagine what can go wrong if you do go, and then go if you didn't just imagine your own death. Actually, this case is a simplification of case IV - 4 cars.

Case IV - 4 cars

There are hundreds of permutations here. But, actually, it's pretty simple. Go if it's your turn, or if you're turning right and nobody else is headed for that lane.

Complication #1 - The disgustingly polite driver

A disgustingly polite driver will wait for you even though you both know that it is his or her turn to go. I can imagine him or her stopping for a child, and waving the child into the path of a speeding semi. Such politeness confuses any driving situation. It can hopelessly muddle a four-way stop situation, unless you follow this advice:

Flip him or her the appropriate salute, and go.

Complication #2 - Which way will they turn?

Cases II through IV depend upon which way the other drivers are turning. Their turn signals may offer a clue:

1. Some people do not signal
2. Some people will turn the same way that they are signaling
3. Some people will not turn the same way that they are signaling

There are six principles which will help you sort these out:

1. You can legally assume that people will turn the same way that they are signaling, or that they are not turning when they are not signaling.

2. You can legally ram them if they are lying.

3. No witness will stick around to back up your story about whether or not anybody signaled.

4. Drivers (capital "D") do not signal.

5. drivers (small "d") do not signal.

6. All other drivers signal.

Complication #3 - Who got there first?

"Who" got there first, "what" got there second, "I don't know" got there third. Sorry, that was merely an allusion. In theory, a four-way stop is simple. The cars stopped in a certain order, and they go in the same order. In reality:

1. Some people don't exactly stop. So, when did they arrive at the four-way stop?

2. Some people stop one or two car-lengths behind the stop sign. When did they arrive at the four-way stop?

3. Sometimes two cars really do stop simultaneously.

4. Driver A thinks that driver B got there first, and driver B thinks that driver A got there first. This is a simplification of the next situation.

5. Driver A thinks that driver B got there first. Driver B thinks that driver C got there first. And driver C thinks that driver A got there first. From experience, I would say that this, along with various 4-car permutations, is a very common situation.

6. At least one driver has no clue. This has probably happened before he reached the four-way stop.

So, when there's doubt about who got there first, who should go first? Here's a handy rule: "I go first, you go second, everyone else hesitates."

My car is the one with the dents in each door.

Complication #4 - Pedestrians

Any of the above situations can be further complicated by the intrusion of any number of pedestrians. You won't see them lining up and going one at a time. They just keep walking right on through the intersection, dodging cars.

While pedestrians slow down the normal clockwork of the four-way stop, they also introduce a logical puzzle to the situation. If you are about to go, and a pedestrian walks in front of you, how does that affect the order of who goes when? Do you get to go first once the pedestrian is out of your way? Should all the other cars wait for you? Or, have you lost your place and must wait for 3 more cars to go.

This guideline should help: "If you have to wait for a pedestrian, you are now a time-bomb waiting to go off. To minimize the loss of life, you should be allowed to go first."

Complication #5 - The four-way stop starburst maneuver

This is when all four cars go at once. All four cars stop, nearly touching, nose to fender. And, nobody can go forward. The driver who backs up loses all respect from his or her family. Besides, the next four cars have gone forward by now. So no one can back up, if he or she wanted to. The four-way stop has now achieved critical mass.

The only solution is for one car to be removed, sideways, by a forklift. I'm sorry to say that I've never seen this done. I understand this is very popular in Europe, at all kinds of intersections.

Four-way Stop Theory

Einstein's theory of Special Relativity says, among other things, that two observers, travelling at different speeds, cannot agree on when something happened. In fact observer A may say that event X occurred before event Y, while observer B may say that event Y happened first. And both observers are right. This leads to the "four-way stop paradox."

A theory that seems to have even more to say about four-way stops is Natural Selection.

Addendum #1:

I have finally figured out what is wrong with the four-way stop concept. It is not that the four-way stop is a drivers' IQ test that is too difficult for all of those drivers who have not yet mastered the green light concept. Instead, it is that the four-way stop is an IQ test that these drivers are encouraged to flunk over and over again, forever.

I recently was stopped behind a person who stopped at the four-way stop, let six cars go ahead of her, and then went. Also recently, I was the third car to a four-way stop, and the first car wouldn't go (waiting for a fourth?); we out-waited him, and he eventually went.

Addendum #2:

I received email saying that not all states have four-way stops. That sounded like heaven, until I read further about the four-way yield! I hope they give out drivers' manuals at the border.

I recently almost saw a three way accident at a four-way stop. A car was the first of three cars at the intersection. The driver hesitated, and then went. And all three cars nearly collided. The hesitation sent the wrong signal; it said "go ahead" to the other drivers. A more forceful approach would probably have been less dangerous.

Clearly, any driver who goes (whether he/she actually has the right of way or not) must be prepared to stop. But so many drivers seem to be trying to divine the other drivers' thoughts, when they should just go in the order in which they arrived.

I should also write about "Uncontrolled Intersections." These are intersections with no stop or yield signs. There are several amusing ramifications (ways in which cars can ram into each other), such as "I got there first," or "I'm on your right, buddy," or "I'm in the through street," or "I'm King of the Road," or "Honking is better than brakes."

Addendum #3:

I recently saw a new trick at a four-way stop. A driver held up his hand (in traffic cop fashion) to encourage me to stop. I was going about 2 mph, and was coming to a stop, which should have been obvious to him. So his gesture seemed stupid to me. But that might actually work.

I also saw a U-turn in a four-way stop intersection (read that again), with two cars waiting. Stupidity = Creativity!

It seems that many drivers are trying to make eye contact with each of the other drivers. This is a sort of validation: "Yes, we all acknowledge that you exist, and therefore you can go now." This is also why I wear dark glasses.

So, the lesson learned here is simple -- next time you come to visit me in RI, take the train. Or better yet, wait for me to go back to New York.