Daddyhood: One Year Later
This year, I get to celebrate Father's Day. And a week after that, my little turkey turns 1-year old.
Wow.
What a year.
I’m not going to lie, I wanted a girl from the outset. Everyone knew it, mostly because I never once fell into that cliched trap of saying, "I just want a healthy child." Bull -- parents always have a preference, and my preference was a little munchkin who followed me around with baby blues.
Mission accomplished.
But because I'm a guy, when she came out with a pair of X chromosomes, a small tinge of concern still hit me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a girl (I did), or that raising boys would be easier (it isn't). It was just that I didn’t know how I would relate to, or help raise a person that will likely prefer tea parties to Transformers.
Despite my clear desire to have a "daddy's little girl," it was also easy to imagine how I would have brought up a boy. Strict, firm-handed discipline mixed with lessons of mountain biking, the Mets, full contact living room wrestling and practice in opening doors for people...the old fashioned way.
A girl on the other hand? The idea terrified me then, and often still does today. Images of puberty, nose rings, boy band concerts, awkward dad moments and the like made me wonder if I was up to the task.
Then Sophia was born.
My theories were immediately tossed out with the rest of the mess that came out my wife that morning. She was beautiful, and I quickly took to being her father. My heart melted inside me the first time I held her and in later months, when she said “Dada!” and held out her arms to get picked up.
That will be the only time she gets picked up, by the way. I have the padlock ready for my basement door.
Now, my daughter is just now becoming a toddler, so I know that I have many, many lessons still to learn. The teenage years still loom ahead like a storm on the horizon taunting me…with tongue piercings and flavored lip gloss and broken hearts from high school quarterbacks. But, even with only a short time under my belt, Sophia has taught me some incredibly important lessons that I never would have picked up had she not decided to stop by a year ago.
And because you asked nicely, here they are:
1) I am overprotective
Regardless of whether it has gone out of fashion in today’s society, deep in the heart of every man is a desire to protect his brood. Though I’m sure that this instinct is there with boys as well, the strong conviction I have to protect my daughter is greater than nearly anything I’ve felt in my life. It isn’t a feeling that has to be worked up; it’s just there, like a cinder block, or that important Jenga piece, daring someone to move it.
Taking on the protector role means carrying yourself a bit differently. Rather than wandering aimlessly downtown in search of the next bar, I now am more aware of my surroundings and where I am taking my baby. I also find myself a bit less sympathetic when other people’s actions invade my family’s life. A long time ago, I stayed in shape to look good (an epic failure if there ever was one). Now, I try to stay in shape in hopes of developing intimidation tactics for future boyfriends.
Yes, acne-covered fauxhawk boy, I will be cleaning my rifle whenever you stop by. And you might want to set that watch a few minutes ahead, just to be sure she's home when I say so.
2) She softens me
Despite my new NRA membership, I am still turned into a jiggling puddle of goo when she's around. Before Sophia, my compassion, patience and grace were all lacking. I had great pride in the discipline and efficiency through which I ran my life and home. These quasi-tough guy attitudes suddenly seemed a bit ridiculous as I would look into the eyes of my little turkey content with blowing raspberries, chasing the cat and eating copious amounts of...well...anything.
Now, let's be clear -- it's not like I start blubbering whenever a long distance commercial comes on, but every now and then I well up when the little bugger does something cute...even if it means finding lunch meat in my DVD player. My car used to be immaculate; now it has half chewed apple puffs strewn about the back seat. And I don't really care.
And besides, some of those AT&T ads are really well written.
3) Every girl is some man’s daughter
Until I had a daughter I gave this idea very little thought. But once I did, the office sexual harassment lectures became infinitely more compelling. The most recent one discussed pornography, sexual addiction and abuse, but as bad as those things are, only one comment caused the whole audience to stop hitting on their coworkers and become startlingly silent.
“Every time you choose to view pornography, attend a strip club, solicit a prostitute, or in any other way, treat a woman like a piece of flesh rather than a person, remember one thing: That girl is some man’s daughter.”
All the men sat silently. The ones with daughters trembled at the idea of some lech treating their daughter the way they once did. Chuckles left the airspace, replaced by awkward, apologetic glances toward every admin assistant in the room. It was cathartic.
On a side note, my computer is now virus-free.
4) Living for someone else
Marriage is the first lesson most of us receive in learning to live for someone other than ourselves. And just when we start to think we might have that down, children shatter all our notions of self-righteousness. Waking up at 3am; changing diapers that are one movement away from disintegrating; feeding every part of the baby but her mouth; etc…all these things were pivotal in forcing me to abandon (some of) my selfish habits.
And it's not like I wasn't warned. My daughter could care less about my well-planned Xbox schedule or whether or not I have a blog deadline. She told us from the outset that she would be wholly inconvenient.
And she's a girl of her word. Even if that word is indecipherable.
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To close, I know some of the things I've learned may differ from yours, but I sincerely doubt I'm alone on most. The important thing is that all the above lessons will be worth it the moment you open your cards and gifts, and see them signed in crayon, with a touch of Gerber's Veggie Medley on the envelope.
I'll get back to trying to be funny in a few days. But today I raise a glass to all the dads. New, experienced, single parents or fathers of multiples -- Happy Father's Day. We've earned it.
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